**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
