i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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