i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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