I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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