where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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