After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
