You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
