He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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