why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
