so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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