so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
