Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
