She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
