There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
