i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
