good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ππΌ
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize