Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
