He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
