Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
