I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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