Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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