Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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