thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
