i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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