im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
