I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
