What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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