the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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