You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
