I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
