I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
