I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
