I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize