I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize