So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
