i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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