We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
