I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
