PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
