This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
