watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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