Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
