True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just google imaged poop.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
