wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drake has all the answers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
