We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
