grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
