Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He passed out mid-signature
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.