Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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(410): View more from Maryland

remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

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(512): View more from Texas

He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

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These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Read it at the TFLN blog
(417): View more from Missouri

Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

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(917): View more from New York City

i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,

(679): View more from Michigan

I wanted to be a dolphin.

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(518): View more from New York

So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me

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(619): View more from California

Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?

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