dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐