i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
