The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
