The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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