you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
