At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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