Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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