GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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