You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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