Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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