He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
