Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
