Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
