oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
