remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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