we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
