omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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