When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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