Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
