you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
