dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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