My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
