Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
