Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
