Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
