Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
