You made me cry and you don't even care
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
