i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
