Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
