Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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