So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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