im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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