I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
handjob tips. give me some.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
