We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
